When Will You Believe That I'm Kind?

Have you ever found yourself needing to clean something expensive at your job so you take it apart only to realize you not only took the cover off the machine (which is all you really needed), but you also took apart the spring mechanisms as well? :)

No? Just me? Cool....let me enlighten you a little more.

I'm transitioning out of a company that teaches adults how to use Microsoft Excel. One of our services is producing laminated keyboard shortcut sheets that help students become more proficient at using Excel. In the production process, I laminate these sheets one by one with three industrial, table-top laminators. These machines are European made and finding instructions in English on how to perform maintenance on them is hard to find.

I realized I needed to take the cover off the laminator to get to the rollers, so I turned it over, and start unscrewing what I THOUGHT was the cover of the machine. It turns out I had unscrewed the cover AND the spring mechanism that held the rollers in place. Lovely. Keep in mind, these laminators are not cheap. I'm about to leave this company in a week, and breaking an expensive machine right before I go is not my idea of a positive exit.

As I faced the task ahead, I asked the Lord to help me understand how to reassemble the machine. To be honest, I knew the right thing was to ask Him for help, but I didn't really expect His help.....which is not a diss on God - it's me subconsciously believing that He has better things to do than help me put a machine back together.

Growing up, I never thought my life was important enough for God to care about. The impression I got was that He only cared about the big things, like salvation, and if I wasn't being a monk who hated living, I wasn't worthy of His help. I thought I had to earn His kindness.

Since coming back to Jesus as an adult, I've learned much more about God, and my perspective of Him has changed tremendously. But to be transparent, I still felt like He had better things to do than help me with my everyday needs. Plus, I tend to be a realist when it comes to these things, and I just didn't believe God would give me the knowledge to reassemble a machine in this scenario. He had better things to do, right?

Yet, an hour later, I found myself putting the final screws on the laminator and thinking "Thank You Lord. You are so kind".

And that's when He spoke: So when will you really believe I'm kind?

I sat back for a second and processed the challenge I just heard. When would I believe that God delights in helping me? When would I believe that He's for me, not against me? When would I abandon comforting lies and start embracing truth?

That day, I deeply internalized the challenge. I decided to start cultivating a belief – with every opportunity I was given– that God's kindness is unconditional and independent of the worth of my need.

It's a choice we have to make every day.

Because He can answer all of our prayers, He can heal us of all of our infirmities, but until we choose to believe He blesses us out of the kindness of His heart, we miss out on the beauty of His Fatherhood.

May this year be the year we recognize He is a kind, kind Father.

Thanks for reading friends.