Lessons about Anxiety

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 10:13 | Psalm 23:4 | Hebrews 13:5 | John 8:31-32 | Psalm 23:4 | Matthew 14:22-33 | Psalm 4:8

Hi friends. I apologize for not having posted something sooner since launching the website. I'm in a season of battling anxiety right now, and whenever I would begin to write something I was never sure how to word it. Here goes:

I'm someone who likes to be in control of everything at all times, or at least as much as I can be in control of. If you looked at the text messages when my friends and I want to get together, you'll see me setting up the time, inviting people, checking in with them, etc. I'm very much a planner in life haha

I like to be in control because even though I have very trust worthy friends and even though I make plenty of mistakes, I still tend to trust myself the most to feel safe and get things done.

In this season, however, the Lord has been teaching me that being in control of everything can backfire. And it can backfire real bad.

I recently have been consumed with anxiety about living alone. I normally love living alone, and having my own schedule, but things are different for me right now. God has been so kind to bless me with a wonderful family in Alabama, a fantastic Texas family, a steady job in an unsteady job market, a renewed walk with the Lord, etc. What gives me anxiety is having an emergency, especially a mental health emergency, and being alone with it. I've lived alone for years and never once thought what happens if I get lost in my head and no ones around to save me? Odd, intrusive thoughts like that.

We all get tired, we all have nights where our thoughts are racing, we all have those times when we just can't focus. We're overworked, overscheduled and under rested. I had a night this year where I was so exhausted I couldn't calm myself down from my racing thoughts. Panic set in and I couldn't sleep. And the I spent the next morning with those thoughts. And another. And another......

Eventually, those thoughts subsided and I was able to get some rest begin to heal from that weird episode. But it freaked me out real good, and I share this with you in the spirit of transparency because this is what I've been going through. I haven't had inspiring little messages from my devotions and beautiful things to share on here recently. I've just been trying to come home and calm myself down when I feel anxious about the things I can't control. And I would rather spend my time writing about the real things I'm learning rather than just post something generic.

The good news is that I've been able to talk with friends, meet with my mentor, and find ways to manage my anxiety and heal in this season. But I believe the Lord has been trying to teach me something very specific in this time - I must allow Him to have control at all times. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I've had bouts of anxiety since I was in 10th grade, and I found myself running to all the wrong things to cure it. Online content, fast food, shopping, Starbucks, you name it - I ran to it. The anxiety became manageable and I've found simple ways since then to keep myself going when the going gets rough. However, I never once ran to the Word and found my defense in Jesus when I felt overwhelmed. And that is what is happening now. I believe every trial we go through is an opportunity to grow closer to God, and this is the one that has taught me that the King of heaven and earth is the only One I need to run to when I get anxious.

Here's what God has taught me so far:

1) It's not just you

Part of my anxiety comes when I allow thoughts like "You're the only one in the world going through this", " No one else knows what you're feeling", "You're truly alone in this fight". Hopefully your first thought when you read that was those thoughts are from the enemy. And you're exactly right - those thoughts are lies from the pits of hell and therefore they will never be true.

John 8: 31-32 says "then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" so let's find the truth there: 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." Our anxious thoughts tempt us to cave and worry and fear and according to this passage, this is common to man. Don't believe the lie that you're the only one dealing with this - you're not alone dear friend. Not only are fellow believes going through this, but Jesus Himself is with you in every moment. He's right there in your head when you feel the waves rolling in, and He will defend you if you allow Him to.

2) Growing Pains are healthy

I keep hearing that there will be at least one time in a believer's spiritual life where they will go through situation that forces them to rely on the Lord for strength and help. This is one of those times for me. I don't believe this is God's desire for me to be anxious and tired and stressed out some days, but I do think He is using it to grow me and mature me in my walk with Him. Growing can be painful, but it's necessary to mature in Christ. The Scripture that stood out to me on this was Psalm 23:4 which says, "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Sometimes we go through things that make us feel like were dying. We feel like there's no hope and no way out. But He is still with me and you when we walk in the darkest times of our lives and He promises He will never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5)

3) Give him control

I think of the story of Peter walking on water, and how he began to sink when he took his eyes off Jesus. In order for Peter to walk on the water, He had to focus on Jesus and give Him full control (Matthew 14:22-33). In all honesty, it's incredibly difficult for me to give God full control. Giving Him control makes me feel out of control and I hate that feeling. But there's no other way to survive the storms of life, and I've learned from others that true surrender produces peace. Giving Him control for me looks like taking a moment to ask Him to control the wind and waves of my mind when anxiety hits. It looks like choosing to believe He's guarding me and protecting me as I sleep instead of dwelling on my anxious thoughts (Psalm 4:8) It looks like choosing to be active with my weekends and enjoy the company of my amazing friends (they've been Godsends this season) instead of scrolling on TikTok to avoid my anxiety.

These are just a few things that have helped me as I walk through this season. I'm so grateful to God for healing me and easing my worried mind through it. I'm doing much better since this all started and I know if I use this time to grow closer to God, I may be able to help someone else when they walk through it. May God be glorified in every trial, every season, and in every victory.

Thanks for reading friends.